I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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