whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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