I faked an abortion last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
