Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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