she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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