Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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