I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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