you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
