When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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