i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
