My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize