Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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