just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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