Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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