Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
