Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
