Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
