"it" just moved
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
