I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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