There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
