Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
