The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hippo gnu deer
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize