How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
