There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
