We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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