You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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