I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
