he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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