Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Found the puke drawer
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize