matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
