How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
