I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
