I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
