the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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