life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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