It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
