Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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