u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize