DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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