Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
