she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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