Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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