I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
