Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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