WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
