Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
that's an acceptable place to lick
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
