Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
