I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize