I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
