I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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