jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
