I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
