Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Drunk is not a location!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
