I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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