she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
