I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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