I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
