i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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