The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
