you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
