i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
