Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
