I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
