I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
