Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
