i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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