True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
