Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
