I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
